Parenthood is not easy! There are a lot of big responsibilities. Parents are in charge of raising their kids to the point of adulthood, with the goal of turning them into valuable members of the community. This undertaking requires understanding, care, love, and the ability to keep them on the right path. Building a strong parent-child relationship is also considered to be one of the most important and most challenging parts of parenting. But how can we build that strong relationship with our kids? Gentle parenting tips can help!
Gentle parenting primarily focuses on infancy, so when our baby grows into a toddler, we can start using an aspect of respectful communication with them. Here are some methods to get your kids on board without ordering them around. You’ll learn to stop saying ‘NO’, ‘STOP’, and ‘DON’T’ so much when communicating with your kids, and what to say instead.
Why you should stop saying ‘No’?
Kids are really good at doing things that displease us. So, we use the word “no” to get our kids to stop engaging in whatever activities we think are dangerous or messy. This is especially noticeable during the toddler years. According to Pardi (2017), toddlers hear the word “no” an average of 400 times a day! When we constantly tell our kids no, they become desensitized to the word. It stops being a statement to pay attention to and becomes something that Mom or Dad just says all the time.
Try this instead:
Explain yourself and your feelings
Consider explaining to your kids why their behavior, such as banging on the table over and over again, is so bothersome to you and others. You might tell them, “You are hurting the table and yourself when you bang on it, and that makes me sad.” It may feel futile to reason with toddlers, but you are actually teaching them something. You are showing your kids that what they are doing not only affects themselves, but also other people around them. It might take some time for your kids to develop concern for others’ feelings, but reminding them of your perspective will help them along. Moreover, breathing techniques can be applied to calm down kids, and once they calm down they will be able to truly hear the message you are trying to deliver.
Redirect your kids with positive alternatives
Instead of saying “no” or “stop” to your kids, try redirecting them with positive alternatives. For example, “Let’s try gently petting the dog instead of pulling his tail.” Or “Please wait until I am finished working so I can give you my full attention.” Keep the word “stop” or “no” for the times you really need it. This method is a really effective communication technique that gives kids concrete ways to change their thinking methods to solve problems and concrete reasons for behaving in a useful, sensible way.
Speak with them like a friend
Gentle parenting helps build trust in our kids. Parents should do their best not to impose arbitrary controls on them. Parents should be generous with reasons, explanations, and information, so they know and understand why and what reasons we want them to do things. Usually, parents give orders and make demands of their kids because it is easier for them and they can get away with it. They use “no” because they don’t want to deal with the result of yes. So, they tend to say “no” and control them without concern. However, we couldn’t talk like that to an adult friend in our home or workplace. We would need to be more thoughtful and considerate when choosing our words. But why do we speak like that to our kids? Cultural norms let us issue orders to kids all day long about both big and small things. But we could easily change all of those orders into a friendly language to kids. For example “Shall we get up now?” Or “I’ve got the milk and cereal, can you please get your bowl?”
Gentle parenting is a great communication tool. Parenting is a more enjoyable experience when a positive parent-child relationship is established. Whether you are parenting a toddler or a teenager, good communication is the key to building self-esteem and nurturing relationships. Like most changes in life, it won’t come easy, but the reward is well worth it!
References
Pardi, E. (2017, November 06). Retrieved February 17, 2021, from https://aleteia.org/2017/11/06/4-expert-moms-weigh-in-on-how-to-say-no-less-often-to-toddlers/
Stephney, S. (2015, July 28). What does it mean to be a parent? Retrieved February 18, 2021, from https://www.education.gov.gy/web/index.php/parenting-tips/item/1621-what-does-it-mean-to-be-a-parent
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