by Bryan Odom
Recently Lan Lan spoke with parenting coach, Katherine Sellery. Katherine is the CEO and Founder of the Conscious Parenting Revolution and co-creator of the Guidance Approach to Parenting. She’s given TED Talks on three different occasions, most recently appearing at TEDxCWRU in November 2019.
Lan Lan and Katherine talked about more effective ways to communicate and relate to our children. There were some fascinating insights that came from the conversations:
When our kids say “No” to us, they’re really saying “Yes” to something inside themselves. Katherine pointed out that parents have a tendency to only react to their child saying “no” to them. In reality, the child isn’t so much defying what their parent wants but is stating a strong preference for something that matters to them. Katherine says that it’s “about that ability to listen to what they’re saying yes to . . . and getting curious about what they’re saying yes to.”
Once we train our kids to be obedient and compliant, they begin to lose their ability to judge others’ intentions. Katherine advised that we want our kids to develop a strong sense of who has their best interest at heart (and who doesn’t). When we teach them to simply accept what they’re being told and not to oppose ideas they disagree with, it keeps them from developing that ability to read other people.
Look at the behavior as a sign of unmet needs. “A traditional parenting model focuses on manipulating the surface behaviors so that children are well behaved”, says Katherine. “Conscious parenting focuses on the underlying unmet needs and going to the source of the behavior.” It is best for us and our kids if we learn to use assertive skills, creative problem solving and learn to listen to the underlying unmet needs.
We were thrilled that Lan Lan and Katherine had the opportunity to sit down and have this conversation. We all learned a great deal from Katherine and believe the entire Lan Lan community can benefit from her wisdom.
You can see the whole conversation between Lan Lan and Katherine here!
